I know its probably just this whole first trimester thing, but I really don't remember feeling this bad with the other two, and I DID NOT have this horrific "bump" which at this point, lets be honest, must be fat, with the other two either!!! I feel like I am failing miserably at mommyhood and being a good wife.
G has been great, he keeps reassuring me that its fine, he's fine, I look fine, he doesn't mind. But you all know that sometimes those reassurances just don't quite cut it, not into the deep corners of your mind. I feel panicky, and just kind of sad.
Maybe I am just grieving the loss of my beloved Granny, but logically I know its all going to be ok, she is in a better place, etc, etc. I can't distinguish between grieving for her and just feeling crap because I am pregnant and in the wonderful first trimester?!?!?!
SO if anyone has anything they would like to comment, or whatever, it would be nice. Anyone ever felt this way?? That would be nice to hear to. Thanks.
Mel xoxo
Okay Melissa...I'm gonna have to stop your madness! First of all, don't ever compare pregnancies. They're all different, and so is your body. And when you say horrific bump, it makes me sad. I don't think there's anything more beautiful than a full pregnant tummy, whether it be the first trimester or the third. I'm sure that a lot of your issues are stemming from your hormones, but also the loss of your granny. I know she's resting in peace, and is in a better place, but that doesn't take away your longing. It's perfectly normal to be depressed about a death, even when you think you're not. So please stop being mean to yourself. Let your husband help you, and when he tells you that he's fine, it's fine, and you look fine...BELIEVE HIM!!! He's your husband, and he wouldn't lie to you. Embrace your grace, my dear. Be happy to be able to have babies, be happy that you have a wonderful loving husband that takes care of you, be happy that you already have two perfect children, and be happy to be YOU!
ReplyDeleteOkay, now take a breath, rub your belly, tell that baby that your love him/her, and just relax. There will always be laundry, and there's nothing wrong with eating a PB&J for dinner. We all have our days, pregnant or not. Just change your tune, and you'll feel better. I promise. :)
Love,
Kelly
Melissa - most of what your friend Kelly said is true - and when you have a depressing event (death) coupled with something as strenuous as pregnancy - look out. And frankly, while being pregnant is (mostly) joyous there are days it can be depressing but to most of us admitting that feels like (gasp) we're failing mommyhood and wifehood.
ReplyDeleteRealistically pregnancy related depression even without a huge event like a death is extremely common and rarely diagnosed so talk to your doctor - at least to keep him/her in the loop. And while you don't say you've been laying around all week it is implied so take a walk, do some yoga, or do some other form of exercise to get those endorphins going. (Oh if my husband could hear me now.)
And try not to be too hard on yourself.